Most people assume that when you lose someone, you learn to appreciate life more. It would suffice that you would live each moment to the fullest and start showing continuous love for your family and friends. I beg to disagree. Loss connotes sadness, mourning and grief. I think we who are left behind should immerse in tears for a time. It is a human need, to show our pain.
I lost three people in a span of 6 months. My college friend died last year, a classmate in elementary school died in a car accident last Wednesday and a colleague died last night. I am honest to say that I was not so close to them but still, I hurt. I lost them in a way I cannot extrapolate.
I cried and my heart was breaking. I lost them and I know I can never bring them back. All I have are memories of them. Short and casual encounters that were unrecognized before but now, I am desperately trying to piece them together. I am doing this to comfort my own self. I miss them. I miss their lives.
He was my classmate in Psychology class. I remember his curly hair and the way his eyes light up when he smiles. He always slouched in his chair and loves to laugh. I knew him from a distance, well my friend and I admired his sexy butt in our Counseling course. It was only in Senior year that I had more chances to talk with him. I discovered that he was a hopeless romantic and he would do everything in the name of love. He always called me Hazelnut and I would always playfully punch him on the arm. That was it and graduation came. I never saw him again.
I got a phone call from our classmate. He was really sick and needed help. I did not think twice so I shared what I can. I called him and I replaced my tears with laughter. He reminded me to always take care. I made him swear that he would let me drive his old green beetle when I come home. Two months later, he passed away.
We went to the same elementary school. He was a handsome boy with dreamy eyes and girls had a huge crush on him. We never talked to each other. He would just nod; smile and I would do the same when I saw him in the hallway. He was a friend of another boy who annoyingly had a crush on me. I found it ridiculous, fourth grade crushes were silly. He remained popular in high school. Inspite of this, he was humble and would still smile at me when we see each other at Mc Donald’s. Ten years passed and I just know him by name. Last Wednesday, he left behind his wife and two young children.
He was my colleague at work. He made it a point to greet me in the morning with coffee in his hand. He took care of my students and he was gentle with them. Our conversations were always pleasant and when I need someone to supervise my class while I step out for a while, he would readily volunteer. In my field that it is difficult to trust people, he was among the rarity. Snakes and foxes veiled by positions are a tough call. Our friendship was based on our love for our students. Four years passed by and we survived. Well, I thought we both were toughening up until last night. He left unexpectedly. I prayed hard to bring him back. He had a family. It is so unfair.
I do not know how to end this piece. Let me just mourn in a corner.
All I know I will always have winter tears for them.
I don’t know what to say but I feel something in my heart that somehow I need to comment on this.
Maybe I should just tell you, we may not be friends in the whole and full sense of the word, but you can count on me . . . always.
Just always remember, there’s always a reason behind everything…