I decided to take an indefinite break from teaching. The cause is not my students nor was it from the usual burnout but my natural inclination towards change emerged. It has been a month and I have never been free.
Scared.
Uncertain.
Doubtful.
Yet proud.
To be able to live my life different from what was expected of me. Simply, I want to re- discover who I really want to be.
I am starting from scratch again but I realized I can do it. I made a decision and I will do it. I will be alright though I am aware the journey would be difficult.
I am now able to fathom that everything is a choice.
My needs are met and my wants decreased. What more can I ask for?
I still have food, clothing and shelter and I have never been so thankful.
I am still loved by people I also love.
I came to know who my real friends are. Often, when you are in the bottom again- you can objectively separate the true from the fair weathered pals.
I can play my guitar and regard my bloody fingers as battle scars.
I can write without mincing my words without the implications of my profession.
The path to self discovery is risky since it may lead to complacence. It is possible that I can deceive myself so I need to choose wisely.
I may become a full time writer. I may study other languages. I may travel. I may fall in love again with teaching.
Just thinking of it excites me;
and I have never been so happier.
We’re in the same stage right now. I still love my work as a Guidance Counselor, but I also feel I have a heart for kids with special needs. I’m not a hypocrite though. I want to feel the snow in my palms, but just the thought of leaving my children for at least six months breaks me. I now experience doubts to pursue my American dream. My goal now is geared towards having my own home school for Filipino children with special needs. I can be an educator and a counselor at the same time. The problem now lies on where I would get my finances for that great dream for a home school.
Funny! Yesterday, I just finished reading “Who moved my cheese?” and I find myself smiling. Then laughing out loud for the coincidence and yes, the irony of life. Ironic though, but wonderful.
My choice, I’m letting the tides of fate bring me to where I really should be. Idealistic? Yes. My place under the sun.
But whatever that is, I won’t stop writing, too.