It is assumed that people always get second chances.  Failures can dampen our spirits; we feel and inflict pain simultaneously. Almost always, we have that recourse at the back of our heads that we can turn it around. Wounds can be healed and life can be a bed of lillies.

Yet, I ponder. Where do you draw the line of giving yourself and others second chances? What if you gifted people the right to hurt you repeatedly knowing they would never stop? How can you finally say that you had enough and you need to leave? Why is it so hard to close doors and just walk away?

These questions hinder us from  moving on. They hinder me too from accepting happiness truly. I loathe a person so much but at the same time fear her. It hurts so much because I love her too because it is expected. I cannot untangle the years when we both intentionally hurt each other but I still hope that she would be a presence in my life. As a child, I swore I will be unlike her but I find myself as an adult, mirroring some of her ways. I tried to forget her, bury the hatchet and picture her the way I want to. I failed miserably because each time I hear about her, my heart breaks again. I convince myself I do not need her, months pass without us talking but once we do, I feel worse. Guilt and wanting to be free are two irreconcilable poles. For years, I tried but like a tattoo, she lingers in my consciousness. Perhaps I am a hypocrite for wanting to be selfish to be happy but then I am such a coward to face her judgment.

Yesterday, I was uneasy. Should I call her or not? The day celebrates her significance but I chose not to. I received unpleasant news and I decided I cannot allow it to hurt me further. I cried in front of my partner. He told me the exact thing that I know for a long time but just refused to do because I was still hoping. “You are not the bad person. If she cannot be happy for you, it’s not worth it. It’s up to you to stop trying to please her because it is impossible. You would end up being miserable just like her.”

I finally let go with one last deep breath, closed the door and walk away with the thought I made a willful decision. There are things that one simply cannot fix and the only way is to give up and walk away with a smile.

In your life, you will meet a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There’ s the one your first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you first made love to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you’re with…and the one that got away.

Who is this, the one that got away? I guess it’s the perfect person with whom everything was great everything was perfect but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry but the cards don’t fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part or maybe even the greater part has to do with the matter of living. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you’re not ready to commit in a mature manner, it doesn’t matter who you’re with, it just doesn’t work. Small problems become big, inconsequential become deal breakers simply because you’re not ready and it shows. It’s not that you and the person are no good; it’s just not yet right and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you’re ready. You really are and when this happens, you’ll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not e the most perfect, they might not the be brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life but it’ll work because you are ready. It will make sense, it really will.

So that day comes when you’re finally making sense of and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want. You’ve become ready because the time has truly arrived. Mind you, there’s no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you’re single but you could be in a long term relationship, could be married with three kids, it doesn’t matter. All you know is that you’ve changed and for some reason, the one that got away is the first person you think about.

You’ll think about him or her because you’ll wonder, “what if he/ she was here today? What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?” The biggest what if? you’ll have in your life.

If you’re married, you just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully, you’re mature enough to realize that you’re already committed with the one you are with and this is just another test of your commitment, one that will strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you’ll think about hi or her but it’s never nice to live with “what might have been”.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who’s already married. In which case, it is the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you’re old, with gray strands and reminiscing.

But if neither of that is the case, then it’s different. What do you do if it’s not yet too late. Simple, find him or her. The very existence of the line “one that got away” means that you’ll always wonder, what if you got that one?

Ask him out to coffee and ask her out to a movie. It doesn’t matter if you’ve dropped in from out of nowhere. You’d be surprised , you juts might be the “one that got away: as well for the person who is you “the one that got away.”

It won’t make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it’ll all just fall into place somehow and you know. I’m thinking, it would be a great feeling in the end, to be able to say to someone. “Hey, you’re the one that ALMOST got away.”

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Went to see a Mets Game in Shea Stadium, still nursing a cold and cursing at the occassional writer’s block…tomorrow will be another day!

I opened my YouTube account this morning and a very “eye catching” comment greeted me. It basically said I was an ugly bitch. I checked on the person’s channel and I only saw random videos. I deleted and dismissed it as something that came from a person in need of a mirror. Next, I checked on my website and again, there was an “unbecoming” comment and the person have the audacity to sign in using a Filipino term for pigs. Oh boy! It’s one of those days that I get lunatics hovering around. Did I forget that today is Loony Psychos Day? I marked is as spam and just spent the morning toying with my Fender strat. I checked my channel again and this time, the same person who called me fugly used another username and left bad comments. If I were as sensitive as before, I would be lambasting this douche bag or just sulked all day. However, I was too happy not to delete the comments. What I did was to reply to the comment with gratitude and appreciation. I even featured his link on my channel. Talk about throwing back bread instead of stones. While other youtubers were spewing retaliatory comments on his channel, I ended it with “I am so jealous of you.” I meant to say that I am incapable of being a racist and then using the name of the Lord at the same time. It amuses me that this type of people exists and predictably, they do not have a profile picture to back up their insults. If I were this person, I’d post hundreds of my pictures so that my target of insults can at least see me in case they like to cast a voodoo curse on me. I call this bravery and maturity at the same time. You need to back up your artillery if you really want to get on the nerves of people. I say this now since I have a very extensive experience with cyberbullies- remember Meany Mo in one of my posts. I actually like to thank this creature for dragging my life in the mud on craigslist and on porn sites. Nothing beats laughing at this person who thinks victory has arrived in a teacup and eternally hiding from any confrontation behind all that hideous make- up.

Below is a list of suggestions to deal with pesky cyberbullies.

1. Thank the person.
2. Do not reply to any insult again
3. If you observe that the person is going too far, report or flag him/ her to the hosting site. (This is would take time)
4. “Leave me alone. Stop what you’re doing.” Say, email or message the person. This is the number one thing you need to do in case your decide to take it further to court.
5. Save every message, email and correspondence in html form. Your lawyers will need this. Most employers do not like employees who are cyberstalking on the side.
6. If you don’t know the person, ignore or do steps numbers 1- 3
7. If you know the person, do steps number 3- 5.
8. Change your email address especially when it was hacked by this bully. In my case, I had to change so many since it was used to sign me up for questionable sites.
9. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE- DO NOT POST your ym, personal email address and your cell number online. (example: Call me at this number or ym me at this address) You never know if the person with a picture of Heidi Klum is actually a convicted sex offender. This concerns people with MySpace and Facebook accounts.
10. Use and enjoy the Internet responsibly. Speak your mind but do not (I pray) end up as a bully too.

 

Today is the last day of NYC Comic Convention and I had a blast whiole finishing this 3 part video. Thank you for watching the first part and before the end of the week, I will be posting part 2 and 3.
Thank you to all the comic artists who granted exclusive interviews to Filteany Channel.